I <3 SkyMall

I've always been a fan of SkyMall. Ever since I was a wee lass and stopped wailing and sobbing and crying my way through plane trips because my ears were in such pain from the pressure (according to baby stories via my parents), SkyMall was there for me to peruse through, passing away the minutes while the rest of my family was buried in their books. I still have a vivid memory of convincing my dad to let me buy one of the collectible Barbies from SkyMall as a present for my sister (who's collection topped out at two Barbies, including the one we gave her). I was so excited, and EVEN got to use the GHETTO AIRPLANE PHONE to make the order!

I recently took a trip up to San Francisco, shortly after I boarded flight 320, I picked up my trusty 'ol SkyMall. As I went flipped through it page by page, I continued to be entertained by their offerings, some of which I would like to share with you now.


Apparently some people have heard of things like this, but I've never: The Marshmallow Shooter.
As the description notes, this baby will shoot "sweet, edible miniature marshmallows," (why you would want to do this I'm having trouble understanding, but maybe it's because I have no Y chromosome... I'd rather just eat them. Plus they would totally mash into the carpet), AND this one is better than all the others because of its "safe" red beam of light for accurate aim. Better yet, it's dishwasher safe!!!! Go for it, mom! Delight your child with this Marshmallow Shooter for "fast, nonstop action"!

Here we have The 20" Tabletop Photo Studio:

Ok, fine. There is a practical purpose to this one, if you spend a lot of your time taking semi-professional photographs of your possessions that you then post on E-Bay. Also, what's up with the Desktop Photo Studio that's $20 cheaper? I mean, it doesn't give me any information about it... though I assume it's smaller. But how much smaller?!

Next up - a SkyMall classic. The Always Fresh Pet Drinking Fountain:

I always desperately wanted this for my kitties. The description makes it obvious that my cats would prefer this over their normal standing bowl of water, plus it's better for their health! Recently, my sister decided to buy cat drinking fountain-esque thingy:
It may look alright in the picture, but let me tell you, alright it is not. Aside from looking like the cheapest piece of blue plastic thing sitting on the floor of our kitchen, the water barely trickles over the edge of the top well through those two little slits. Nothing flowing about it, no natural aeration at all. On top of that, Edie was afraid of the thing and Ollie just liked sticking his paw in it and splashing water everywhere - the walls, the floor... and now it lays in a heap on our dryer.

The entire following page of SkyMall is quite hilarious; they're basically selling you cosmetic surgery tools via SkyMall:
Here we have a lip pumper to replace collagen, a body slimmer girdle to replace liposuction, anti-wrinkle patches to replace botox, special tapes with elastic bands to replace a facelift, and ShapeUp pads to replace a butt implant.

But I would really like to focus on the Anti-Wrinkle Patches:

These patches OBVIOUSLY work wonders when you use them on horribly and obviously Photoshopped "before" images of already young and beautiful models. Way. To. Go.

Last, but not least, what would SkyMall be if not on trend? I present to you "The Zombie of Montclaire Moors" Statue:
Twlight, True Blood, Zombieland, Vampire Diaries, World War Z, Jennifer's Body, and of course, "The Zombie of Montclaire Moors" Statue. Who WOULDN'T want this in their backyard?? Though to be quite honest, this is not at all the scariest Zombie I've ever seen. Instead of looking as though he wants to crawl out of the ground to attack and kill me, it's more like he's trying to crawl into the ground to escape a sad, depressing, meaningless life of ... being a zombie...

And with that, I say thank you SkyMall. Thank you.